Dear Isobel: Feelings Explosions

Hello lovely.
I sincerely hope you've been reading these like we agreed, otherwise I've been running my mouth on the Internet to a bunch of strangers, hundreds of miles away from my own laptop. Well, until you write me (WHICH YOU SHOULD!) I will continue maintaining this blog. For me, for you, for the preservation of my sanity.
I know you're going to hate this, and if you were here than you would most likely beat it out of me, but dammit Bel, the feelings are back. The loneliness, the desperation, the claustrophobic & utterly paralyzing sense of being judged by everyone I see. I know I'm probably just paranoid, but it feels just as real as when it was happening before. Your absence has probably triggered it- I miss you so much Bel. I find myself constantly struggling to even get out of bed, find meaning in the day. Everyone feels like a stranger- sometimes I lie awake at night, petrified with the thought that I might not recognize you if you were to ever come home. Is your hair any longer, or have you chopped it all off like you kept threatening to do. Do you still wear your black converse, with the half hearts that match up to mine? The frustration of not knowing causes me strife, and I feel myself tumbling back into that all-too-familiar pit of now return, much as I may struggle and cling to the sunshine of spring and the beautiful land. It brings me happiness and peace, much like these letters, but I fear that I will not be able to beat the metaphorical monster this time. Wish me luck though- its so funny: I am the only one that seems to remember you with affections and wishes you safe travels, and you may be the only one who remembers me in what would seem a sea full to friends. I say friends very loosely.
I hope you still remember me.
If you do not, then I will truly have no one but the wind that sweeps the prairies and the sunlight cresting the mountains this bright and chilly morning. I will have but myself, and that is an awfully lonely existence.
Keep warm, be careful & cautious always. All my love
~Willow